Hollywood Royalty..... ([info]joancrawford) wrote,
@ 2002-11-17 16:30:00
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Current mood: amused

Well dears, all is calm on the homefront. Tina and I have been getting along fine! As a matter of fact, we went and saw The Ring together last night; Tina kept saying that she could relate to Samara. Something about me neglecting her, I don't know, I wasn't really listening.

Well just a quick update, I really must be off. I have to drop tina off at the looney bin before my 6:00 facial! If she doesn't correct this 'lesbian' problem she's been having lately, I'm going to string her by the cuntflaps and hang her from the flagpole!


Love,
J.C.


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Good luck, Tina!
[info]ann_heche
2002-11-17 02:51 pm UTC (link)
I got through my lesbian phase, but I'm still a royal Bitch.

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Re: Good luck, Tina!
[info]joancrawford
2002-11-17 03:15 pm UTC (link)
Amen to that, honey!

Love,
J.C.

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[info]archiedavis
2002-11-18 06:55 am UTC (link)
you come around here sometime later tonight, joan dear, and you can swing from my flagpole.

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Re:
[info]joancrawford
2002-11-18 11:01 am UTC (link)
Oh Archie...believe you me, I won't be at half-mast tonight!

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[info]secretime
2002-12-03 11:54 pm UTC (link)
I came across the article below and thought I might as well go straight to the source. You didn't tell me you were working again! I hope your dyke of a daughter is doing well - this faggot of an adoring fan, dear Joan, sure is!

It just warms the cockles of my heart to imagine you gracing the stage with Hattie McDowell..........


NEW YORK -- It helps if you know the infamous cult movie "Mommie Dearest" backward and forward. An encyclopedic knowledge of film divas from the 1940s and 1950s doesn't hurt, either.

But even theatergoers lacking those qualifications will find much to chuckle at in "Christmas With the Crawfords," a rambunctious little show running through Dec. 28 at off-Broadway's Producers Club II.

The Crawfords in question, of course, are venomous movie queen Joan and her four adopted children -- rebellious Christina, sweet-natured Christopher and infant twins. As the show opens, on Christmas Eve, 1944, they're preparing for the arrival of gossip columnist Hedda Hopper, who is featuring them on her holiday radio broadcast.

Complicating matters are about a dozen drunk celebrities -- Judy Garland, Gloria Swanson, the Andrews Sisters -- who stumble through the Crawford manse on their way to or from a party next door at Gary Cooper's. Each of them finds time to spar with Joan and sing a Christmas song or two.

The celebrity guests are all women and, with one exception, they're all played by men (as are Joan and Christina Crawford).

The drag element sets expectations high for some serious looniness, and these actors do not disappoint. Nor do the gloriously ridiculous costumes designed by Chris March, who also appears in the show as Hopper and Temple. As Hopper, March wears an Asian-influenced evening gown topped by a hilarious fortune cookie-shaped hat that defies gravity and description.

There are frequent allusions to "Mommie Dearest," the book and movie that detailed Christina's suffering at the hands of her adoptive mother. Yes, wire hangers make an appearance, and they spur Joey Arias, as Crawford, to pitch an over-the-top fit that rivals Faye Dunaway's in the movie.

During such scenes, there is sometimes a queasy realization that you are laughing at depictions, however cartoonish, of child abuse. What's being parodied, though, is not the violence itself but the movie's melodrama and Crawford's overstuffed legend. Those are certainly fair targets.

In any case, it's the show's heart, more than its wicked humor, that ultimately wins you over.

There's a terrific moment near the end when Kate Bostello (the only female in the show), as a boozy Garland, sings "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" to the Crawford children. It's the only scene meant to be taken at face value, and thanks to Bostello's tender reading, it works.

Also deserving of special mention is Sade Pendarvis, as Hattie McDaniel. Pendarvis sings a "Children, Go Where I Send Thee" so big-hearted -- and big-voiced -- that no one in the tiny theater has any choice but to surrender to his holiday cheer.

None of the mean-spiritedness that characterizes many drag performances is to be found here, and credit for that goes not only to the actors but to director Donna Drake, who keeps the proceedings on the up-and-up.

Not everything works in "Christmas With the Crawfords." Some of the characters, including Carmen Miranda and Ethel Merman, aren't that funny. It's also slow to get rolling: The first half isn't nearly as engaging as the second.

But this is a show that wants no more than to send you home smiling. At that, it most definitely succeeds.

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Re:
[info]joancrawford
2002-12-04 10:57 am UTC (link)
Hmm..giant fortune cookie hats...now why didn't I think of that?

Love, J.C.

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