joancrawford: Yes, yes it's been a while, but Joan is

Hollywood Royalty..... (

joancrawford) wrote,
@ 2002-04-23 10:36:00

Current mood:	sore
Current music:	Kate Bush - Sexual Healing

Yes, yes it's been a while, but Joan is a busy queen!

Hmm, it appears I'm still a little sore from last night. Jon Lovitz came over, and we had our own private COCKtail party. He put up a good fight, but I managed to tangle him in my love-nest and slam him hard with the double-dong.

But enough about me. Let's talk about YOU for a while! It's been so long, how ARE all of you, my WONderful fans?

(Post a new comment)

	archiedavis 2002-04-23 10:36 am UTC (link)
	joan... darling! the void in my heart nearly matches the emptiness of my bed you once filled. your shrill voice in my ear, the feel of your nails down my back, the feel of your high heels on my throat... my dear joan, you have been missed. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Re: joancrawford 2002-04-23 10:43 am UTC (link)
	And I have missed you, my little kali puff! I bought a few new "outfits" that I'd love to try on for you sometime! Love, J.C. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	As for me? mary_fisher 2002-04-23 10:47 am UTC (link)
	I haven't heard word from you in months, dearest Joan.. My seashell bed next to the seashore misses you. I have some new love beads I want to try on your ass. Now BEND OVER BITCH AND I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO DO THIS THE RIGHT WAY.. GAAAAA!!!! FAAAAAA!!!!!! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Re: As for me? joancrawford 2002-04-23 10:58 am UTC (link)
	Mary Fisher lives in a palace by the sea...AND SHE'S GOT CRABS STUCK IN HER COOTCH TO MATCH HER SANDY CHEEKS! I'M GONNA SHOVE THAT DOUBLE-DONG SO FAR UP YOUR CUNT, IT'LL COME OUT YOUR MOUTH! PREPARE FOR A FUCKING, YOU HOT HUSSY! Love, J.C. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	Re: As for me? mrs_fisher 2002-04-23 11:02 am UTC (link)
	You wouldn't want her... she's not really 34, shes 41..... I've got the birth certificate to prove it. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	Re: As for me? mary_fisher 2002-04-23 11:04 am UTC (link)
	DONT LISTEN TO HER... shes getting... eh' Senile! :-D (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	Re: As for me? mrs_fisher 2002-04-23 11:05 am UTC (link)
	BULLSHIT!!! I REMEMBER EVERYTHING, I REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE JUST A TEENAGER-- (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	Re: As for me? mary_fisher 2002-04-23 11:07 am UTC (link)
	----IM NOT INTERESTED IN WHAT YOU REMEMBER SO JUST SHUT UP!!!!! ...................... you may clear the first course, Garcia. IM ENCHANTIN' A NEW LOVER TONIGHT! (Reply to this) (Parent)

	kiashadow 2002-04-23 10:47 am UTC (link)
	Oh Joan! Welcome back! You can't imagine how much I've missed you. It seems like my life is just ever so dull without you. I hope you had lovely fun with Jon and I'm glad that you're back. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Re: joancrawford 2002-04-23 10:59 am UTC (link)
	Jon is a remarkable lover, and very well endowed. I thank you for your words of kindness. TO ALL MY WONDERFUL FANS, I LOVE YOU ALL! Love, J.C. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Spring Fever robby 2002-04-23 01:39 pm UTC (link)
	Darling Joan, this warm spring weather has done wonders for my libido. I'm too sexy for my pants! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Re: Spring Fever joancrawford 2002-04-23 09:15 pm UTC (link)
	Robby darling, How good it is to see you again! Unfortunately, the link you provided doesn't seem to work! Were you trying to trick an unsuspecting shop girl into seeing a 'naughty' picture of you? You cad! ;) Love, J.C. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	robby 2002-04-23 09:21 pm UTC (link)
	Yes, my naked "Ode To Spring" has been quickly censored. Some internet cretin can't distinguish art from smut! Dear Joan, have you ever had to contend with this sort of interference? What should I do? (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	Re: joancrawford 2002-04-23 09:50 pm UTC (link)
	Those UNGRATEFUL BASTARDS! You see, I've never come across this problem, my body is considered a work of art by all. Even when bent in my most unique 'poses'. If I were you, I'd start sucking and fucking my way up the corporate ladde...er...I mean... Why don't you try a nasty letter? Attitude mixed with dignity can be a heavenly recipe. Love, J.C. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	You Inspire Me robby 2002-04-23 10:03 pm UTC (link)
	Let your taut body be my canvas, I'll paint you with my stiffest brush and splash you with gesso Until my colors all run dry.... (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	Re: You Inspire Me joancrawford 2002-04-24 04:48 am UTC (link)
	Oh GOD, YES! rub me HARD with your STAEDLER MARS And we'll wipe up with my CHAMOIS! Apply that Designer's Guache with GUSTO! Love, J.C. (Reply to this) (Parent)

(Reply from suspended user)

secretime
2002-04-23 11:05 pm UTC (link)

Oh, Joan, you have me FLUSHED with excitement.
My paper about you is nearly finished. I even managed to work in a quick mention about precious tender little Christina and how effective a parenting tool a wire hanger can be!
I surely will get a high grade on this. Will you contact my professor if not?
I'm sure he would be delighted to receive a smart, glossy, autographed picture of the

QUEEN OF MEAN

urging him praise anything about you.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	Re: joancrawford 2002-04-24 04:44 am UTC (link)
	My dear, I am truly honored that you have chosen me as the topic for a paper, and I would be delighted to RIP THIS GUY A NEW ASSHOLE if he doesn't give you what you deserve. Love, J.C. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	secretime 2002-05-14 05:07 pm UTC (link)
	he gave me a B+. That freaky fuck can eat it! Oh, and when I picked up my paper from his office, I saw him drinking Coca Cola and lovingly caressing a photo of Bette. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	Re: joancrawford 2002-05-14 09:19 pm UTC (link)
	That's it!! CAROL ANNE!!! BRING ME MY ROCKET LAUNCHER!!!! Love, J.C. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	tinacrawford 2002-04-25 08:23 am UTC (link)
	Listen here, you shriveled up bag of ho dung.. How would you like to have a wire hanger shoved down your throat and pulled out of your ass? (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	mad_cow 2002-04-30 03:43 pm UTC (link)
	I'LL BEAT YOU RAW, WHORE DOG!!!!! (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	Re: joancrawford 2002-04-30 09:05 pm UTC (link)
	EAT MY COLOSTOMY BAG, YOU WITHERED RAISIN-SLUT! (Reply to this) (Parent)

	karmakanic 2002-05-13 03:23 am UTC (link)
	Oh Joan, I've been anxiously anticipating your return for quite some time now! I've been douching my nether-region fairly regularly w/ pepsi; so whenever you're ready, dive in. As if you needed an invitation you insatiable thing... (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Re: joancrawford 2002-05-13 10:54 am UTC (link)
	Well, I suppose it's time for this diva to don her scuba gear and go on a little expedition to uranus! Love, J.C. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	movingtime secretime 2002-06-17 03:39 pm UTC (link)
	Joan, I am moving across the country at the end of this summer. Do you think you could help move some heavy boxes and furniture? (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	Re: movingtime joancrawford 2002-06-17 04:13 pm UTC (link)
	Me? move boxes? HAH! I will, however, lend you my army of eunuchs... Love, J.C. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	mad_cow 2002-06-23 02:53 pm UTC (link)
	BITE MY BEEF CURTAINS FAT-ASS!!!!!! (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	Re: joancrawford 2002-06-23 03:03 pm UTC (link)
	Quit moving, yokozuna, you're shaking the god damn INTERNET! (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	LOOKIT ME!! I'M A FANCY HULA DANCER! mad_cow 2002-06-23 09:27 pm UTC (link)
	SUCK ON THAT SISSIES!!!! (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	Re: LOOKIT ME!! I'M A FANCY HULA DANCER! joancrawford 2002-06-24 10:04 am UTC (link)
	Congratulations, Mad FATASS, for using ALL of the grass in the australian outback to make your SKIRT!!! Love, J.C. P.S. Nurse Wantke sucked my tits last night. (Reply to this) (Parent)

dancingmaggot
2002-07-05 05:22 am UTC (link)

Oh Joan, I was devasted to hear of the whole "boxoffice poison" incident. I'm glad you've recovered so gracefully. You've always been the type to rise from the ashes, haven't you? I'm a little surprised you didn't test MGM's ability to rise from ashes, though. Not that I'm supporting arson, but, well, Hollywood Royalty is entitled to a certain level of respect, and I don't feel they've shown it to you.

A devoted fan.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	joancrawford 2002-07-11 07:51 pm UTC (link)
	Hmm, yes, well you see, we had 'Creative Differences', me and L.B. Mayer, and we parted ways amicably... THAT BALDING GOOD FOR NOTHING LUMP OF BEEF SUET! I'D DROP KICK HIM OFF OF A PARKING STRUCTURE IF I WASN'T SURE IT'D BREAK ALL MY PRETTY TOES!!! Thank you for all your wonderful support! I owe it all to you, my WONderful fans! I LOVE YOU ALL! Love, J.C. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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