Hollywood Royalty..... ([info]joancrawford) wrote,
@ 2003-04-15 20:34:00
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Current mood: curious

Ah, Springtime... love is in the air, people! The birds and the bees are all busy doing the horizontal tango! Unfortunately, this sultry Hollywood Starlet is without a bird OR a bee. I'm feeling rather randy, and I have nothing on which to vent my... 'frustrations', if you will. That being said, I am now accepting applications and resumes for the position of 'poolboy'.

Speaking of the swimming pool, last night I woke up around 4 a.m. and decided to take a brisk 14 mile jog. I made it no further than the back gate when I found Christopher face-down in the deep end! Poor little guy didn't keep himself strapped in...

So I set him down on the kitchen table to dry, and as soon as Carol Ann woke up, we had to reanimate him. He has a blank stare now, and doesn't speak very much. He hasn't changed at all!

Well I've got to go, I'm doing a photo shoot tonight, and I still have three layers of skin to scrub off!

Love,
J.C.


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[info]karmakanic
2003-04-15 07:15 pm UTC (link)
Joan aka Sizzle-tits,

what is your e-mail address? I want to send you my resume Re: the pool boy position. I think you'll find that I am quite qualified. Not to mention very adept at receiving all the 'frustration' venting you can dish out. Other services I can provide include; bringing you the axe, remove any lingering wire hangers from the premises, and if any solicitors come by to bug you for an autograph, I will shout, "DONT FUCK WITH HER FELLAHS!"

I work only to bask in your glow. Monetary compensation is not neccesary.

References available upon request.

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Re:
[info]joancrawford
2003-04-15 08:14 pm UTC (link)
Dear candy-ass,

There is no need for you to send me your resume. You are more than qualified for the position, therefore I would like to schedule an interview. I have a feeling you can 'fill' more than one 'position' in this 'firm'. How about tomorrow night at 11:30? Please come scantily dressed, if at all.

Love,
J.C.

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[info]tinacrawford
2003-06-11 10:20 pm UTC (link)
Oh, I see how the

FUCK

it is. I leave livejournal for a few measly months to go on tour and speak about child abuse and charge $20 dollars to knock-off Joan Crawford drag queens so they can have my pictures taken with them, and THIS?! I thought you meant it when you said my 76 MPH tounge tickling acts were "unparalleled"??!!??!!

Or was that just one of your schemes to get me to shove a pastrami loaf in my crotch? Be honest, now..

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]durga_daggr
2003-04-15 10:51 pm UTC (link)
yoo hoo! speaking of the swimming pool... do you need a pool boy????

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Re:
[info]joancrawford
2003-04-17 05:39 pm UTC (link)
Only if you promise to wear skimpy bathing suits, tan regularly, and oil me up before I begin my 987 lap regimen...

Love,
J.C.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

[info]tinacrawford
2003-06-11 10:22 pm UTC (link)
Buzz off, sardines for eyebrows! This ain't my first time at the brothel... I know how to bump--and GRIND!

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)
Re:
[info]joancrawford
2003-06-11 10:24 pm UTC (link)
Excuse me darling, I don't know how the little wretch escaped from my sex dungeo...err... how the little dear overheard our conversation!

Love, J.C.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]tinacrawford
2003-06-11 10:24 pm UTC (link)
No, but I need a hot carl.....

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